Miscarriage
I've waited a long time to actually post this. It was too hard to share at first, but I am healing now and I think it's finally time that I can share this with you.
Approximately one in four women will miscarry. How come I never thought I would be part of that statistic?
Approximately one in four women will miscarry. How come I never thought I would be part of that statistic?
Jon and I had a pregnancy scare in August and then decided we wanted to start trying to get pregnant. It was so exciting to finally know we were ready for baby #2. After a little bit of trying, we discovered I was pregnant. I was overjoyed! Zoey and her sibling would be super close together in age and it was beautiful. I didn't realize how excited I was to have baby number two. I discovered I was pregnant right after we moved to Columbus when we were unpacking I felt awful and I thought maybe I am pregnant. I took the test and BAM, the first test showed a positive. That was cool and I remember thinking wow, this is insane! I didn't have to impatiently sit and wait for a positive test. Jon and I were so excited and kept it to ourselves for a few days and then I told Katie because she was so sad when she found out we weren't pregnant the month before. I felt pretty sick at first, you know... normal pregnancy stuff. Then I started feeling a little better. I remember thinking this is weird, I should be feeling worse. I didn't feel good, but I started to feel less pregnant.
I was hopeful and figured the morning sickness was letting up a little. We finally felt we were far enough along to tell people. We had just started making the phone calls.
Jon and I took a break from calls and were hanging out downstairs flirting and having fun. He started to hang up the curtains like I'd been begging him to do for weeks and then out of the blue I felt like I was bleeding. I went upstairs to the bathroom to check and saw that I was bleeding and it was bright red and quite thick. I immediately knew that this baby wasn't going to make it. I called my "on-call" doctor and she wasn't concerned. She said it was the weekend and I could come in the morning. The blood kept getting worse and I was becoming more and more concerned.
I then talked to a nurse-friend of mine, Stacie, and she said that this was concerning and if it were her and on a weekend like it was, she'd go to the hospital. I knew things seemed wrong and so I went to the ER.
I went to the ER alone. We were new to the area and I didn't know anyone. I could barely find out what hospital would take my insurance. I don't think I've ever felt so alone in my life. I kept thinking of my beautiful baby at home and how this baby would not make it.
I was a mess the entire time, crying andtrying failing to keep calm. They asked for a urine sample and when I went to give it, it was completely red. I knew that this baby wouldn't make it. I prepared myself for the news I was about to hear. The doctor was so sweet. He was gentle and cried as he told me it was a miscarriage.
It was a miss-miscarriage he said. I guess the baby died very early on in the pregnancy. He said my HCG levels were in the 40's when at this point in my pregnancy they should be in the thousands. Apparently there was not much that could be done about it.
A part of me feels a lot of regret and sadness. During the Akron Marathon about halfway though, I kept thinking this feels like I'm having a miscarriage. I was four weeks pregnant at that point so I think the baby was already done growing, but its still hard to think back and know that I did end up having a miscarriage.
It's hard to not blame yourself when this happens. The doctors can't do anything for you and it seems that the only place to put blame is on yourself. I'm not sure if its the same for everyone but for me it was not a quick experience. Every time I went to the bathroom I started crying again, realizing what was happening to my body. I bled for days mourning the life of the child we wanted.
We were able to get pregnant again two months later and it's helped me cope with the loss but it doesn't erase the pain I felt.
Sarah
I was hopeful and figured the morning sickness was letting up a little. We finally felt we were far enough along to tell people. We had just started making the phone calls.
Jon and I took a break from calls and were hanging out downstairs flirting and having fun. He started to hang up the curtains like I'd been begging him to do for weeks and then out of the blue I felt like I was bleeding. I went upstairs to the bathroom to check and saw that I was bleeding and it was bright red and quite thick. I immediately knew that this baby wasn't going to make it. I called my "on-call" doctor and she wasn't concerned. She said it was the weekend and I could come in the morning. The blood kept getting worse and I was becoming more and more concerned.
I then talked to a nurse-friend of mine, Stacie, and she said that this was concerning and if it were her and on a weekend like it was, she'd go to the hospital. I knew things seemed wrong and so I went to the ER.
I went to the ER alone. We were new to the area and I didn't know anyone. I could barely find out what hospital would take my insurance. I don't think I've ever felt so alone in my life. I kept thinking of my beautiful baby at home and how this baby would not make it.
I was a mess the entire time, crying and
It was a miss-miscarriage he said. I guess the baby died very early on in the pregnancy. He said my HCG levels were in the 40's when at this point in my pregnancy they should be in the thousands. Apparently there was not much that could be done about it.
A part of me feels a lot of regret and sadness. During the Akron Marathon about halfway though, I kept thinking this feels like I'm having a miscarriage. I was four weeks pregnant at that point so I think the baby was already done growing, but its still hard to think back and know that I did end up having a miscarriage.
It's hard to not blame yourself when this happens. The doctors can't do anything for you and it seems that the only place to put blame is on yourself. I'm not sure if its the same for everyone but for me it was not a quick experience. Every time I went to the bathroom I started crying again, realizing what was happening to my body. I bled for days mourning the life of the child we wanted.
We were able to get pregnant again two months later and it's helped me cope with the loss but it doesn't erase the pain I felt.
Sarah
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